We all know Batman beat up Superman. But could Morpheus do it? Wouldn't you want to know?
Here are some favorite matchups, plus how they'd probably work out:
Iron Man vs. Juggernaut
The drunk versus the moron. This should be good. Ironman can fly, is strong, smart, and knows how to party. Juggernaut won't stop once he's moving in a straight line.
Ironman Wins. Ironman wins. He can fly. Duh. He picks up Juggernaut and drops him from 40,000 feet. Of course, Juggernaut would then pierce the earth, coming out the other side and destroying the planet. But Ironman wins.
Superman Versus Sandman (Gaiman Sandman)
The (almost) unbeatable Man of Steel versus one of Neil Gaiman's Endless. Superman has strength, speed, flight, laser vision and a few other nifty powers. Morpheus has, well, pretty much everything. He's, you know, endless.
Morpheus Wins. Superman can drop a building on him, throw him out of the galaxy, fry him with laser beams. Meh. Even he has to sleep sometime. Then Morpheus pops in with a little dream Kryptonite, and his big sister will be by in no time to take Clark Kent to the hereafter.
Sorry Superman. You lose.
Hellboy Versus The Goon
Hellboy has great one-liners, trimmed horns, an abiding hatred of Nazis and really big hands. The Goon has hideous scars, a lack of facial features and a big, nasty club. And a cool hat.
Hellboy Wins. Gotta give this one to Hellboy. He's a demon, after all, and expected to bring about the end of all things. The Goon is funnier. But Hellboy has better one-liners. Who can forget "It's a monkey. And he's got a gun!!!!"?
This one would be close. Trees splintered, buildings destroyed, the very fabric of silliness torn asunder. But Hellboy will win after he smites The Goon with The Right Hand of Doom. At which point he releases all manner of Lovecraftian nastiness on the world, but that's not the point. He wins!
(courtesy of Audette via Twitter)
The Incredible Hulk vs. The Thing (original comics)
Super strength and minimal intelligence against super strength and minimal intelligence. Better find a biiiiig open field for this one.
The Hulk Wins. The Thing is damned tough, and doesn't turn into a normal guy when he's all done. But The Hulk never took anger management training. At some point, he'll just haul off and drop a skyscraper on The Thing. End of clobberin' time.
(courtesy of Baldeagle on Twitter)
Spiderman vs. His Own Guilt
Why bother. Spiderman loses.
Sandman (from Spiderman) vs. Clayface
Clayface oozes. Sandman goes fsssshhhhhht. They pound on each other for hours, leaving what looks like broken crockery and dirt all over New York City.
No winner. It's just really messy.
Alfred Pennyworth vs. Edwin Jarvis
Batman's trusty right-hand man (forget Robin) versus the Avengers' manservant. The battle of the butlers.
This would probably degenerate into a tea-towel cracking contest, but assuming it didn't: Jarvis is a three-time boxing champion. Alfred is an ex-special forces butt-kicker who, in a 1943 comic, killed seven ruffians. Actually only four, but he killed three of them twice. I'm not making this up.
Alfred Wins He's just so damned devious. Anyone who can keep a secret for all those years and make a really good potato soup is bound to win. Somewhere in the fight, he'll reveal he's actually Jarvis's long-lost brother, then stab him in the back with a butter knife during their tearful embrace.
Wolverine vs. Rick Hunter
Strictly speaking, Rick Hunter's an animated character, not a comic book character. But I want to see them face off in a snarling contest, don't you?
Wolverine Wins. Eventually he'd get tired of the whole thing. Rick Hunter will spot Minmei giggling like an idiot as she gets in more trouble, get distracted and then Wolverine will skewer him.
Spawn vs. That Angel Wing Guy from X-Men III
Spawn will rip off his snowy white wings, chop off his head with his chains and then feed that annoying namby-pamby flyboy to some horrific Cthulu-style monster.
But we'd enjoy it.
Venom vs. The Punisher
Venom's got Spidey-like powers without the values. The Punisher has lots of guns and likes to kill. And kill. And kill.
Venom Wins. Because bullets and psychosis can only get you so far. Superpowers and psychosis, however, can get you anywhere.
J. Jonah Jameson vs. Commissioner Gordon
Jameson fights dirty and probably curses like a sailor in real life. Commission Gordon's a cop who knows how to kick butt.
Jameson Wins. J. Jonah wins this one when he puts his cigar out in Gordon's eye. Peter Parker gets a photo of it and earns $50.
Optimus Prime vs. Michael Bay
I actually enjoyed the movie, but it worked horrible evil upon a once-great storyline.
Optimus Prime will win, crushing Michael Bay while yelling "That's for giving me lips. Jerk."
Coming Soon
Comic book catfights we'd all like to see.
May 28, 2008 at 11:28 PM hilarious!!!, all so very true
but you shoul tell if the battle wolverine/rick hunter includes a valkirie, but the result would be the same, if logan can take care of 50 centinels whitout sweating he han shred 1 valkirie (centinels are not a big challenge, but still), if you dont include mechas, the fight dont last enough to see minmei
and i thik that "That Angel Wing Guy from X-Men III" was Arcangel, everyone thinks so even they never say it
May 28, 2008 at 11:46 PM Interestingly, Butler vs. Butler has already happened. Happened years ago in an issue of What The -- ?!
And, also, with Superman... you know Superman would somehow win anyway, because Superman always wins. Even when he dies, he comes back to life and wins in the rematch. That really annoys me about Superman.
May 29, 2008 at 12:06 AM The Angel guy's name is (shockingly)Angel he does not become Archangel until after he loses his real wings and Apocalypse brain washes him and give him metal wings. I don't think they do call him Angel in the movie but if I remember right they call him Warren which is his name. He also is listed under the credits as Angel.
If you don't know anything about him I don't know why you bothered putting him in this fight. Although even when you do know things about him it is true Spawn would beat him... easy.
May 29, 2008 at 12:09 AM Arcangel is known as Angel, he is not arcangel until HIS WINGS ARE TORN OFF and replaced by metal ones. and yes they said in the movie that it was angel.
May 29, 2008 at 12:10 AM I would like to see Thor go at it with Captain America.
I want to see the Black Panther take on the Flash.
The Wonder Twins should be pitted against Cable and Deadpool.
The Silver Surfer should take on The Sentry.
Lex Luthor should take on the Joker.
May 29, 2008 at 12:12 AM The Angel guy's name is (shockingly)Angel he does not become Archangel until after he loses his real wings and Apocalypse brain washes him and give him metal wings. I don't think they do call him Angel in the movie but if I remember right they call him Warren which is his name. He also is listed under the credits as Angel.
If you don't know anything about him I don't know why you bothered putting him in this fight. Although even when you do know things about him it is true Spawn would beat him... easy.
May 29, 2008 at 1:20 AM "a once-great storyline"? You're kidding me. Anything that's spun off of a Hasbro toy-line isn't exactly Shakespeare, but hey - few comics live up to the hype of literary excellence, anyways.
In the meantime, there seemed to be a pretty accurate correlation with the main points of the comic, but hey - semantics, I suppose. Lips = unforgivable sin. I'll have to remember that.
May 29, 2008 at 1:24 AM I'd love to see some Watchmen characters in the next lot.
May 29, 2008 at 3:10 AM Even better is that there was a "What if..." where Venom and the Punisher merged and in the end, Frank Castle, Punisher tames the symbiote, Venom, and bends him to his will.
The Hulk and the Thing have duked it out. The Thing won on a technicality.
And when Spiderman faces his own guilt it tends to be purse snatchers who lose, he always takes his anger out on those guys.
May 29, 2008 at 12:32 PM @Tyler hey, I was 10 when the Transformers came out. It had dialog. Hence, great storyline.
But lips. LIPS?!!!!! On Optimus Prime? C'mon!???
May 30, 2008 at 7:41 AM Juggernaughts' "power" of being unstoppable once he gets moving was only in the movie. The comics explain his powers a little more in depth. The short of it is that he is Prof. X's brother, discovers a jewel that makes him invincible, and proceeds to kick ass in many ways.
Sorry dude, but if all you know about comics is from what you see in the movies. You should not be posting this crap
May 30, 2008 at 9:23 AM to Nick: Lex and the Joker fought in World's Finest No. 177, "the Duel of the Crime-Kings!"
Superman: "Sock it to him Luthor, baby! Gun down that Grinning Gargoyle!"
Batman: "Blast that Bald Bandit, Joker! I'm with you!"
May 30, 2008 at 9:54 AM nowadays, an alfred vs. jarvis fight, jarvis wins. Cause, y'know... he's a... *sniff* I can't say it! Damn those aliens!
May 30, 2008 at 10:28 AM Hellboy and The Goon have also had a face-off already. The Goon more or less won.
Jun 2, 2008 at 2:31 AM "Ironman wins. He can fly. Duh. He picks up Juggernaut and drops him from 40,000 feet"
Maybe, but before Iron Man picks Juggernaut up from the ground... Ironman becomes Scrap-Ironman.
so basically Juggernaut Wins
Jun 4, 2008 at 6:43 AM how is it even fair to pit ANYONE against the sandman (nail gaiman)
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:57 AM #16 It's not fair, it's fun^-^
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:39 PM Punisher and Venom have already fought in limited run series. Punisher won technicaly as he discovered the symbiot dislikes sonic waves and used it against him.
Read the comics not watch the movies
Jun 10, 2008 at 11:18 AM The Punisher and Venom already fought in "Funeral Pyre" and the Punisher won using sonics so I don't know how you can even think that Venom would come even close to winning.
Jun 10, 2008 at 5:31 PM a good match up would be spawn (fully amped up spawn) vs Preacher.
Jun 23, 2008 at 2:55 PM How about Preacher vs Dr Manhattan vs Sandman in a three way?
Jun 26, 2008 at 1:16 PM I believe that the "angel winged guy" is supposed to be Angel, one of the original x-men in the comics. However Spawn will rip him to pieces.
Sep 10, 2008 at 2:08 PM I think by saying that angel-looking guy he was poking fun at the disaster that was X-men 3. Any fan of the comics or animated series was horrified by the third movie and its 'angel-looking guy' Lol.